How Dyslexia Shapes Our Relationships, Beyond the Classroom and Into Real Life

Let us get dyslexia out of the classroom, out of the workplace, out of the learning realms, and bring it where, in my opinion, it is really needed: the social world. When I was first diagnosed with dyslexia, it was life-changing, as I ended up with a label or descriptor that I could control. However, what this meant was that I needed to learn and research what this label really was. The negatives were easy to find; it was the positives that I had to search hard to find, but they are there, and they are powerful.

When I first began researching dyslexia in the social world, I was horrified. No matter where I looked, the information I found had dyslexia being an issue within relationships. However, once I took a deeper look at this information, I realized the common perspective these articles were written from was the neurotypical or non-dyslexic point of view. 

Dyslexics have big-picture thinking, so if you are looking for finite, detailed, fact-oriented, stuck-in-the-facts conversations, then the dyslexic's innate view might seem like they are not getting the meaning of things or even possibly argumentative. However, in most situations, we have two people expressing ideas about the same thing, but from different perspectives: one from the big picture and the other from the details. It is commonly said that the dyslexic sees the forest and not the trees, and while in some ways that's true, we need to emphasize that dyslexics still see the trees; they think they are not as important as the big picture or the forest.

In social interactions, dyslexia influences communication, particularly in the use of words. Dyslexics may use the wrong word, have issues with word recall, or have issues pronouncing the correct words. Yet, The irony is that dyslexics have been commonly referred to as high communicators. They are very skilled at sharing concepts with others, which we can easily pick up as we focus on the big picture. Dyslexics can quickly grasp the meaning of communication, allowing us to express language that evokes emotions and visuals. 

However, even though we may be able to share ideas that evoke meaning in others, we can also present with the inability to recall exact words. This is due to challenges with working memory, or short-term memory. How this shows up in relationships is that the dyslexic must be aware that they have a limited ability to recall exact words others have said to them. For myself, this became a massive shift in how I generalized what someone said, putting it in slightly different words, or I shifted words for different words I saw myself using in conversations and, more so, arguments. While I had pre-diagnosis thought that I could state exactly what my husband said to me, I began to realize that what I was doing was using words that had the same meaning but were not used by my husband. Which eneded up with an argument of “you said this”, to which he would reply “no I didn’t”. There went my ability to state with 100% certainty that he said anything at all. Instead, I needed to state that he said something along the lines of …, you said something like …, the meaning I heard was….

How this works is that, for the dyslexic, they not only take in the words being stated to them they also take in all the non-verbal behaviours, and in turn create a word that summarizes what they noticed, which at times could be different from the language expressed by the other person. An example of this is: if somebody said they were angry and conveyed this with hostility in their tone and facial expressions, what might be heard by the dyslexic is that they were enraged, as they would have taken in the whole picture and categorized the interaction accordingly.

Dyslexia influences relationships and language expression and comprehension, as the dyslexic will also comprehend the meaning others convey through their word choices. People will commonly say it is just words, but it is not just words, as words are the symbols we use to express meaning. The dyslexic brain is wired to pick up that meaning, and what we end up doing is highlighting it to others, which might bring about a point of contention between individuals. 

It does not matter what was meant to be said. It is important to be conscious of what was said, as words are among the most potent weapons people can use in relationships. So, if what you are saying is not what you meant to say, then you need to choose different words that reflect what you meant to convey. We need to stop having the listener responsible for deciphering the meaning and intention we convey through our word choices. Instead let’s choose again and restate your meaning so that it is apparent to everyone what we meant to say. 

Dyslexia affects our relationships, beyond what is commonly thought. When we begin to uncover and embrace this arena of dyslexic influence, we can bring about the acceptance that dyslexics matter and create tremendous positive influence, as long as the world listens to their voices.